There was a time—let’s call it the early ‘00s—when sending a “hey 😉” on AIM was enough to start a full-on courtship. Or at least lead to a few nights of chaotic flirting before the dial-up connection kicked you off. But here’s the thing: we’re not there anymore.
So let’s be honest with each other. When someone sends “Hey” as a message in 2024, it’s not the charming opener we want it to be. It’s a blinking red light. A warning. Not necessarily that the person is a bad texter—but that they haven’t quite figured out how to engage in a meaningful way.
And in the world of dating—whether you’re swiping, matching, or nervously drafting your tenth re-introduction message on Hinge—that first communication says a lot. Not just about what kind of texter you are, but about how you see the other person.
## What “Hey” Really Says
It’s easy. It’s safe. “Hey” is the equivalent of walking into a coffee shop, making eye contact with someone cute, opening your mouth to say something clever…and then just mouthing the word “bread.”
Vibe killer.
Worst of all, it puts all the pressure on the other person to figure out how to keep things moving. It transfers the burden—without even the courtesy of direction. And if we’re being honest—dating already demands a lot of emotional labor. A single-word message just adds to the noise.
Now, I’m not here to dunk on anyone. There’s vulnerability in just sending something—anything—especially when our phones feel like little rejection delivery systems. But if you’re serious about connection, there are better ways to begin.
## What to Send Instead
You don’t need to craft Shakespearean sonnets to make a strong first impression. But you do need to show you’ve looked at the person in front of you—or, well, the profile in front of you. That you’re coming into the conversation intentionally.
Here are a few low-pressure ways to replace “hey” with something a little warmer, a little more human:
– **Observation + Curiosity:** “That photo of you with the alpaca cracked me up—how did that happen?”
– **Shared Interest:** “You mentioned loving horror movies—have you seen *Talk to Me* yet?”
– **Genuine Compliment:** “Your taste in music is wildly specific. Respect. What’s your current anthem?”
See what’s happening here? You’re telling them: I saw you. I’m engaged. Let’s actually talk.
## Why This Matters
Think about how you feel when someone reaches out to you in a way that shows effort. Even a little bit. It doesn’t have to be grand—but there’s a quiet dignity in someone saying, “Hey, I took a second to see you.” That’s where connection starts—from being seen, not just pinged.
And this goes both ways. If someone messages you with “Hey,” you’re allowed to respond with a gentle nudge: “Hey! That’s a little vague—want to tell me something about yourself?” It’s not about shaming—it’s about inviting a better conversation.
## A Final Word (Not Just ‘Hey’)
Dating might be messier than ever, but connection still starts in the same place: with intention. With care. With showing up just a little more thoughtfully than the bare minimum.
So next time you’re tempted to type “hey” and hit send—pause. Look at their profile. Ask a question. Take the risk that makes this whole thing worth it.
Because dating isn’t about being the cleverest opener in the inbox. It’s about starting something that feels like it could become real.
And real starts with more than a single word.
Even if that word has a winky face attached.
