It usually starts with a slow fade. The texts come in late. Then shorter. Then… silent. You replay your last few messages. Too eager? Too boring? Too much? Maybe they’re just busy. Maybe their phone died. Maybe they moved to a remote village in Iceland with no Wi-Fi.
Nope. They ghosted.
Let’s talk about it.
Ghosting has become a bewilderingly common part of modern dating. You’re getting to know someone, seeming connection, shared jokes, maybe even a good date or three—and then, poof. They’re gone. No explanation. Just you, rereading the thread one last time for clues that may never come.
Ghosting hits because it’s an emotional cliffhanger. Our brains crave resolution. Closure. Even if it’s uncomfortable, we want a clean ending. Ghosting offers none of that. It’s an unfinished sentence in the story of you and someone who could’ve been something. Or at least, you thought.
So, why does ghosting happen?
First, the hard truth: ghosting is often more about them than it is about you.
Some people ghost because they fear confrontation. They think silence is kinder than honesty—”If I say I’m not feeling it, I’ll hurt them.” Ironically, that silence often causes more confusion and pain than direct, respectful communication ever would.
Others ghost because detaching quietly feels easier. We live in a swipe culture where connections can feel fleeting, and some folks haven’t developed the emotional tools to handle uncomfortable conversations yet. It’s not noble, but it’s human.
And sometimes, people ghost because they weren’t as invested. That stings—but it’s also information you didn’t have before. If someone bails without a word, do you really want them holding any more space in your life?
What to do if you’ve been ghosted
First, breathe. It’s not personal—though it feels personal. Remind yourself that someone else’s inability (or unwillingness) to communicate doesn’t define your worth or desirability.
Resist the urge to reinitiate contact. Sure, you want answers. We all do. But sending that third or fourth follow-up often just opens the door to more silence—or worse, ambiguity masquerading as closure. You deserve clear, reciprocal communication.
Instead, name the ghosting for what it is. “They vanished. That says something about where they are in their life, how they approach relationships.” Honesty with yourself is a powerful antidote to someone else’s cowardice.
Then, shift your energy. Put it toward people who show up. Friends. Hobbies. Your own growth. One person’s silence shouldn’t mute your whole world.
If ghosting feels like a pattern in your dating life, it might be worth checking in with yourself. Not because it’s your fault—but because patterns can reveal blind spots. Are you drawn to emotionally unavailable people? Are you rushing into connection before building real trust? Getting curious, without shame, helps.
And finally—if you’re the one tempted to ghost, press pause. You don’t have to write a Shakespearean breakup monologue. A simple, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t see this going forward. Wishing you the best,” goes a long way. It costs 20 seconds and prevents emotional whiplash.
We’re all figuring it out. Dating is messy, people are layered, and communication takes courage. But in a world full of vanishing acts, choosing kindness and clarity is a quiet kind of bravery.
And that’s worth practicing.
