Let’s be honest — modern dating can feel like sifting through a drawer full of mismatched socks. You swipe, you match, and now you’re staring at a blinking cursor, trying to decide if “Hey :)” still qualifies as a valid opener (spoiler: barely). But once the conversation gets rolling, the early signs — the green flags — can tell you more than someone’s profile ever could.
In the first 10 messages, you don’t have their whole life story — you’re just getting a glimpse. But sometimes, that glimpse is enough. So, here’s what to look (and feel) for when you’re just starting to talk to someone new.
### 1. They Ask Real Questions
It’s more than just, “How’s your day?” — though that’s a decent start. What you’re looking for is curiosity. Are they asking questions that help them *actually* get to know you? Things like, “What’s something that always makes you laugh?” or “What’s the most unexpected thing about your job?” That kind of curiosity signals emotional presence. And interest — genuine, textured interest — is sexy.
### 2. They Match Your Energy
You send a thoughtful message, they respond with the same kind of thoughtfulness. You crack a light joke, they volley it back. There’s a rhythm to it, and while it doesn’t have to be perfect, it should feel *balanced*. If one person is writing novellas and the other is offering Morse code replies, the scales are off. When it feels mutual — like you’re both leaning in — that’s a beautiful green flag.
### 3. They’re Kind (Yes, Even in Small Talk)
Pay attention to how someone talks about the barista, their ex, or that email from their boss. Early messaging gives plenty of tiny windows into how empathetic and grounded someone is. You don’t need a saint. But someone who leads with kindness, even in casual conversation — that’s someone worth continuing with.
### 4. You Laugh (and It’s Not Forced)
Humor is a pretty good bonding agent, especially early on. You don’t need stand-up comedy — but a funny aside, a meme dropped in at just the right moment, or lightly teasing each other? That’s the kind of spark that makes you want to keep texting after midnight. Organic laughter builds comfort, and comfort builds connection.
### 5. They Get the Hint
You mentioned how work’s blowing up this week, and they reply without pressuring you. Or maybe you take a few hours to respond, and they don’t poke you with a “??” five minutes later. These little moments show emotional intelligence. They understand timing, boundaries, and the reality that nobody’s glued to their phone all day. Smart, grounded people respect the beat.
### 6. They Show You Who They Are — Just a Bit
We’re not aiming for an autobiography here, but signs of openness early on — a story, a small vulnerability, something they’re passionate about — that’s gold. When someone offers a glimpse of themselves, it’s a sign they’re not playing games. And when that glimpse feels sincere? You’re not just exchanging texts — you’re connecting.
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Bottom line: early green flags aren’t always flashy. They’re often found in tone, timing, and tiny truths. The trick isn’t just to look for charm — it’s to notice how someone makes you *feel* while being themselves. Safe? Curious? Seen?
Those little things go a long way.
And if you find yourself smiling at your phone for no particular reason? That might be the best green flag of all.
